I like to write. I like to open a notebook and let my thoughts fall out. It’s almost like it clears my mind to talk to myself.
So much has happened this year, and it’s been too long since I have really just taken a moment to capture it all. I’ve made some amazing friends, lost a few un-amazing ones. Watched my Children grow, watched myself grow. Left one job for another, learned a little along the way. Moved more than once, tried to patch back together a broken relationship, struggled with a new relationship. I have acted my age on too many occasions. I have seen the world through a magnified glass this past year of 2011. I really think 2011 was my year to grow, and I think although it was very hard to see threw all the chaos, it happened beautifully.
It has been almost 4 years I believe since I have posted a blog. I innocently forgot my password and login up until a few minutes ago. I started reading back on my blogs posted from 2009- when I was still married. Yep, I said it… I am a divorcee, nothing to be proud of. What most Women face after a Divorce is finalized is failure. The thought that we where not able to succeed at something, but this is so unbelievably not true. I would like to say I escaped a horrible relationship but I can not. What happened between Josh (my ex husband) and I, is very sad and tragic. Two children in High School that thought they had the world figured out. They fought so many small (but what seemed to be Large) obstacles. I was 16 when I conceived our first child. I thought I had myself figured out. Years of stress and worries left me no choice but to give up on a relationship that died already in my head. It’s sad because we could have had it all. Nothing left for me to do but move forward, as he is doing too.
But this is what Divorce has taught me. Divorce taught me to fight a little harder, focus my mind a little better, and don’t take for granite each extra chance we get to let that person we love know just how we feel.
The kids are great! The last I saw I posted about them was in reference to my Son’s upcoming 1st birthday. We are now approaching his 4th. Wow, still blows my mind to see what all has changed. My daughter will be 7 soon and is now in Kindergarten. She made most outstanding student for 9 weeks. She is gifted. I am trying to instill the best morals I can into them, but will not sit here and claim to be perfect. I just hope they give the world a 100% regardless of what the world decides to offer them.
I’ve met a lot of great new people. Some have helped me through what I believed at the time, was the worst days of my life. I watched many of my girlfriends in the last year become single moms and I watched how most of us did it with what dignity and strength we had left. I’ve held them up as they’ve held me up. Friendship, it’s a circle that never ends.
I hope that I can start to find the time to post many more blogs because I want the world to see there is always still hope. I Love sharing my story even if it’s with complete strangers.
Xoxo,
Leah Bia
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