Thursday, March 19, 2009
OVERWHELMED
Today is March 19, 2009 & i have 8 days until i am able to move back into my home that was damaged by Hurricane Ike. Instead of feeling what should be a since of relief i feel so OVERWHELMED, it feels like everything around me and close to me is out of my reach. The packing wont do itself and the kids wont make there own lunch, the bills are not paying themselves & my husband's doc apt are sucking are bank account dry. This isn't the first time Ive felt like this, in fact in the month of March it's been pure stress. Stress is going to come and go i understand that & there isn't any advice that friends haven't told me yet. I guess i kinda feel like as much as i do for others, family in general, there should be a little more concern. Do i not show my worrisome enough, do other just not care what I'm going through? what is it that my family cant see clear enough that i need some HELP, i have a sister in law, who's jobless, kid less and worrisome less. I wish she was knocking at my door step right now offering a little bit of help. Or brothers who are in the same boat, but in reality i am guessing they are all about how they can help themselves, because i sit here at this computer.. going over and over in my head, & trying to make list that are not worth making. The reality is: There is not enough arms, time, strenght or mind mentality to do it all by myself. I don't even know where to start. And even if i did the hurt of no help bothers me considering all that i do for others.. the days i have took en off of work to run and Arron for someone, or the sleepless nights Ive stayed awake crying with that broken hearted girl, or the hours spent doing things that didn't benefit me. I am starting to believe that i just need to let them all figure things out on there own, find a new person to lean on & then pick myself up and learn all over again how to take care of myself.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
My 1st blog
This is my first blog, i have decided to start writing these as a passage to the real world, i figure that my life is interesting enough that others might just want to read about it.
My names is Leah, i am 20 yrs of age. I have two kids, one girl and one boy. The are by far my gift from god. I am a wife of a wonderful husband, and i spend most of my days teaching and learning from my children. Life is full of wonderful surpised, i have been blessed in many ways, some might say differently. I have a struggle life as we call it, but when i do get time to sit back and enjoy it i think of all the wonderful things i have & it corrects me. The lord works in the most weirdest ways as they say. I never really saw myself so young raising kids i figured when i got done raising my brothers i would set out and enjoy my life. The thing about that is life takes some turns quick and your either going to steer that way or wreck into the wall. I have grown to realize just exactally what parents are for. Parents dont consist of a mom and dad, they can be a sister or a aunt, or in my cast a single father & a caring grandmother. Back then if you would of asked me what i thought about my life i would of told you that it was TERRIBLE, but that was before i saw the brighter things in it. I was a clothed kid & i had a car at 16, i also had a roof over my head and food on the table at all times. I was like most teens, i couldnt understand why my mother left & was trying to deal with what life dealt me. It wasnt until i had my daughter did i really appreicate the love and support that my father & grandmother gave me. Before i despised them, i felt so mistreated but i wasnt, i was well tooken care of.. and well disciplined at that matter. None of us are perfect, and none of us will ever be, god made us different & all full of mistakes. i think and wonder sometimes does my Mother ever regret leaving her 3 children behind? Does she wonder what her life would of been like with us in it? That is the past & the past cannot be changed! I can only feel remorse for her soul, she missed out on some intellegent kids, so smart individuals if you know what i mean. I have two full blooded brothers, who if you were to ask are more like my kids. Everyday it seems like im telling them what there doing wrong, but in reality when i have times like this to think about it, i think about how Awesome it is to have them in my life, & where i would be without them? Bubba my oldest brother still my baby brother is strong minded like his father, he's going to be a great father himself oneday, but for now he has supported me in everyway a sister would need support, during my ruff times he was holding my hand through it all, believing in me deep down he knew i would make it through it all, he has the faith in me that i have always had in him. Chris he is my youngest baby brother & some prefer to treat him that way, he was a true bully to us, but that boy has a heart full of gold. He never hesitates to give his last dime to that dr.pepper, & he is one of the best uncles a sister could ask for, I would love to die knowing he has made something of himself because with potential like his, it should not be waisted. Larry jr, my father, is one incredible man, his temper flares but he loves like a kid with a puppy dog, he recently got married to a wonderful women named allie which i love deeply for putting that smile on his face everyday. He was a single father to three kids and did the best i have ever seen a man do at raising a daughter & at that 3 kids who where all lost and confused. Lois, she is my grandmother, she has worked hard to have the things she does and some consider her rich and selfish of her money, but i think she's not, i think the women has given dollars and dimes to make sure her grandkids where well tooken care of, she's put every thought and care into every punishment & "so called talks we get" she stood by us kids when noone thought there was hope for us. She's a gift from the heavens above. Next is my Husband, Josh, This man is unlike no other, He's kind and loving and we joke sometimes about how i should of been the man & he be the women, he cares for me and my family like we where all his own. He loves me deeply, like no man could ever love a women. He is another gift. I hope i didnt bore you with this first blog about my life, i felt it was appropriate to explain myself a little and the people that i cherish most. Until next time, Leah
My names is Leah, i am 20 yrs of age. I have two kids, one girl and one boy. The are by far my gift from god. I am a wife of a wonderful husband, and i spend most of my days teaching and learning from my children. Life is full of wonderful surpised, i have been blessed in many ways, some might say differently. I have a struggle life as we call it, but when i do get time to sit back and enjoy it i think of all the wonderful things i have & it corrects me. The lord works in the most weirdest ways as they say. I never really saw myself so young raising kids i figured when i got done raising my brothers i would set out and enjoy my life. The thing about that is life takes some turns quick and your either going to steer that way or wreck into the wall. I have grown to realize just exactally what parents are for. Parents dont consist of a mom and dad, they can be a sister or a aunt, or in my cast a single father & a caring grandmother. Back then if you would of asked me what i thought about my life i would of told you that it was TERRIBLE, but that was before i saw the brighter things in it. I was a clothed kid & i had a car at 16, i also had a roof over my head and food on the table at all times. I was like most teens, i couldnt understand why my mother left & was trying to deal with what life dealt me. It wasnt until i had my daughter did i really appreicate the love and support that my father & grandmother gave me. Before i despised them, i felt so mistreated but i wasnt, i was well tooken care of.. and well disciplined at that matter. None of us are perfect, and none of us will ever be, god made us different & all full of mistakes. i think and wonder sometimes does my Mother ever regret leaving her 3 children behind? Does she wonder what her life would of been like with us in it? That is the past & the past cannot be changed! I can only feel remorse for her soul, she missed out on some intellegent kids, so smart individuals if you know what i mean. I have two full blooded brothers, who if you were to ask are more like my kids. Everyday it seems like im telling them what there doing wrong, but in reality when i have times like this to think about it, i think about how Awesome it is to have them in my life, & where i would be without them? Bubba my oldest brother still my baby brother is strong minded like his father, he's going to be a great father himself oneday, but for now he has supported me in everyway a sister would need support, during my ruff times he was holding my hand through it all, believing in me deep down he knew i would make it through it all, he has the faith in me that i have always had in him. Chris he is my youngest baby brother & some prefer to treat him that way, he was a true bully to us, but that boy has a heart full of gold. He never hesitates to give his last dime to that dr.pepper, & he is one of the best uncles a sister could ask for, I would love to die knowing he has made something of himself because with potential like his, it should not be waisted. Larry jr, my father, is one incredible man, his temper flares but he loves like a kid with a puppy dog, he recently got married to a wonderful women named allie which i love deeply for putting that smile on his face everyday. He was a single father to three kids and did the best i have ever seen a man do at raising a daughter & at that 3 kids who where all lost and confused. Lois, she is my grandmother, she has worked hard to have the things she does and some consider her rich and selfish of her money, but i think she's not, i think the women has given dollars and dimes to make sure her grandkids where well tooken care of, she's put every thought and care into every punishment & "so called talks we get" she stood by us kids when noone thought there was hope for us. She's a gift from the heavens above. Next is my Husband, Josh, This man is unlike no other, He's kind and loving and we joke sometimes about how i should of been the man & he be the women, he cares for me and my family like we where all his own. He loves me deeply, like no man could ever love a women. He is another gift. I hope i didnt bore you with this first blog about my life, i felt it was appropriate to explain myself a little and the people that i cherish most. Until next time, Leah
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